Monday, 07 January 2013

• Getting Older

  I’m getting older

  I finally felt it today. So the central point of this entry-follow my logic carefully here-unless you die, you will continue to get older. (It`s insights like this that make me so popular here in the home.) And it only gets worse, because of a law of physics discovered by Albert Einstein, the brilliant physicist who not only invented the White Guy Afro haircut, discovered the Theory of Decade Relativity, which states: “Each decade goes by exactly twice as fast as the decade before.”

  So it has been traumatic today trying to decide how I`m going to deal with becoming an older person.

  I mean I have to finally face it, the long-predicted aging process. I now see it in many aspects of my own life.

  Young people I meet keep using the words sir and “Mister.” Causing me to whirl around and look behind me expecting to see someone with whom I associate this title, such as the Pope or Larry King, only to realize these people are talking to me.

  I have long animated conversations with my friends — with whom I used to ingest banned substances and swim naked with-on the importance of a proper diet.

  
  And this is the most terrifying-I sometimes catch myself humming along with elevator music.

  Now, I realize, somebody has to be the grownups, and maybe it`s my turn. The problem is, I`m not sure I`m ready, I`ve been hanging around with people roughly my age for the bulk of my life, and frankly I do not feel as a group, I or my friends have acquired the wisdom and maturity to run the world, much less power tools. Many of us, I`m convinced, only look like grownups.

  But the alarming truth is, people my age are taking over the government, along with almost everything else, And I`m worried.

  I`m not suggesting that anything can be done about this trend. No, the only solution I see is for us to face up (people my age) that we are no longer the Hope For The Future. The Hope Of The Future now consists of the kids who like to shave their heads and ride skate boards off the top of buildings.

  So that is why I reflected on my getting older today. My goal is to explore all the ramifications-physiological, emotional, and social of getting older, in hopes that, by improving our understanding and awareness of the true significance of this challenging and extremely important phase of my life, I will acquire, as countless generations have acquired before me, the wisdom, vision, and maturity we need to assume my rightful responsibilities and obligations as a moral, intellectual, political, and spiritual leader-and yes caretaker of this increasingly fragile planet.

  Naw-I`m going outside and drink a bunch of beer and set off fireworks.

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